Codrin Stefan Tapu Institute for Relational Therapy
Institute for Relational Therapy provides information and training in Direct Relations Therapy.
Direct Relations Therapy (DRT) is a form of psychotherapy that involves changing the relationships between various parts of ourselves and of others. The therapy was developed by Dr. Codrin Stefan Tapu, PhD.
Me at home, me at work. Me with my friends, me with my partner, me alone. Me yesterday, me today.
We tend to think that we are either bold or shy, either rational or emotional, that we are always in a certain way, that we are who we are. But in fact, we are a little bit of everything. In a critical situation, the most coward of us may become the greatest hero. We have many faces that we show willingly or not, depending on our mood, our knowledge, and the context we are in. All these "aspects" of ours are the legitimate object of science, we must know them and be able to influence them in order to live better.
Some people will tell you that irrational (or emotional) behavior is bad, and that you must always be rational. But people are not robots, and the irrational is a necessary part of us. The problem is not irrational behavior, but mixing up rational with irrational, as in acting the way you feel instead of expressing your feelings through your body language (even if it is as irrational as a tantrum), or expressing your thoughts indirectly through your behavior, as if they were feelings (e. g. fabricated smiles or controlled gestures, avoidant or passive-aggressive behavior), instead of acting boldly according to what you think. This kind of mixing up can create conflicts and problems both within ourselves and in our relationships. Many conflicts and relationship problems arise from the fact that we act to please or hurt others, and we feel hurt or pleased by others' actions, or from the fact that we express our feelings in order to change others' minds, and we change our minds as a result of others' feelings. If we act to inform or change others at a rational level, and assess rationally instead of emotionally the actions of others, and if we can feel what others feel, and make them feel what we feel, then we can avoid many of our minor or serious personal and relational problems. It's more natural for me to be upset by the fact that the other does not value me positively, as I feel that from his body language, than to be saddened that he did something wrong to me. For the latter I should have no feelings, but rather think and do something about it!
"My previous boyfriends talked so nicely to me that you might have thought that they were the best persons, but in the end they actually proved to be so mean... My current boyfriend is nothing like that. He says nothing at all, but when I'm with him, I can feel he is really good inside."
This woman's words are paradigmatic for the value of a direct affective relationship, and the difference it makes in our lives.